"My ear did it!"

I took Lilly in for her four year check up today.  According the the doctor she is relatively normal (medically speaking). Height is good, weight is on the lower side of the curve but she's still healthy.  He asked if she was able to dress herself and I laughed, pointed at her, and said "That is so not a Mommy outfit!" (She was wearing white corderoy(sp?) pants that have a colorful floral trim under a brown corderoy(how do you spell that word?) skirt. Over that was a ducky t-shirt and a pink Strawberry Shortcake sweater. This outfit was, of course, completed with her brown and pink snow boots. I don't know how she does it, but everything she wears looks really good. Maybe she'll be a designer when she grows up... Anyway, back to the doctor visit.  He checked her heartrate, breathing, mouth, and then moved on to her ears... that is when he discovered something interesting.  When he got to her left ear I heard him say "What is that?" a few times and "That's not normal" after that.  He then left to get his nurse because he was going to have to remove whatever was in her ear.  When he was out of the room I looked at Lilly and asked "Did you put something in your ear?" to which she responded "No!" (This was said in a 'Are you crazy?' kind of tone.) I then asked her if somebody else had put something in her ear, to which she replied (in a very serious tone) "My ear did it." Just wanting to find out what was in there and when it could have happened, I very seriously asked, "What did your ear put in your ear?" Now, through all of this I was trying not to laugh. After I asked what her ear put into her ear though, she responded with a very loud and exasperated "I don't know! I can't see it!" while trying to look into her ear!  

After that there was no holding back the laughter.  The doctor came back in with his nurse and pulled something resembling paper out of her ear.  After further examination we discovered that it wasn't just paper, it was a sticker.  Shortly after leaving the doctors office I called mom to tell her this story and said something along the lines of "I don't know when her ear put her sticker in her ear." Hearing this (cause now she could...) made Lilly very upset and she yelled at me saying "It wasn't MY sticker, it was NIKKI'S!"  Now I know it happened at daycare.... later on she admitted that her ear did it during nap time because it didn't want to sleep... Pesky ears... always trying to cause trouble!

My Little Actress

Lilly has had a lot of fun with the Baby Jaguar mask that Gamma let her bring home with her from Des Moines.  She has been wearing it constantly! 

We also stopped by Jackie's the other day (don't ask). Lilly was finally able to open the presents that Jackie has been using to upset her in an attempt to manipulate me into letting her have Lilly. I mean, who tells a four year old that she has a tons of presents that she can't have unless "Mommy lets her come over to Grandma's house"? And then, when Mommy does finally let her go over and open her presents, she isn't allowed to bring any of them home but "you can come over and play with them whenever Mommy lets you".  If she truly cared about Lilly having the gifts (the majority of which was from other people) then it wouldn't matter WHERE Lilly had them at! She did allow Lilly to 'borrow' one of her presents that she has to 'return' as soon as she sees Jackie again. It was a guitar that matches the one that her Bratz baby (that she was NOT allowed to bring home) had. Lilly does love it, so I'm considering buying it for her myself, so she can at least HAVE her presents, since that is what truly matters, not using a child's gifts to manipulate people into getting what you want. Anyways, Lilly loves the Bratz guitar and is rocking out with it constantly.

(The new nightgown that Lilly is wearing is from one of her aunts on that side of the family, it is also on 'loan'. Lilly is required to return that as well.)

Ah... the joys that 'the others' bring into our lives... 

More Comp 2 Stuff

Currently in my Comp 2 class I am working with a group on a social type issue to create a power point presentation using emotional appeal and different types of propaganda.  The group chose Childhood Obesity as the issue and put me in charge of finding facts and statistics.  This is my contribution to the group project: 

The Scary Facts

§Childhood obesity has more than doubled among preschool children ages 2-5 years and adolescents ages 12-19 years.

§Childhood obesity has more than tripled for children 6-11.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

¡Low-income (disadvantaged) children are at a greater risk and are heavily influencing the progression of childhood obesity.

Dr. O’Dea and ABC News

¡Unhealthy weight gain due to poor diet and lack of exercise is responsible for over 300,000 deaths each year.

Obesity Prevention Center for Children and Youth

And here is the image I chose to use on my slide:

I couldn't ge the actual power point to load up, but I had a black background and used a red font with the words "The Scary Facts". The rest of the information is in three different columns with the picture on the lower right hand corner. I was using emotional appeal with the picture and the dramatic color choices and the last of the information (about lack of diet and exercise) is the slippery slope technique and the first two are using the cardstacking technique. 

Dress Shopping

Mom and I have been persistantly shopping (online) for dresses for my brothers wedding in September.  Mostly, we find pictures online and email them back and forth. Mom emailed me this picture today and I have fallen in love with this dress. By biggest fear is ordering something online without trying it on. But it really is a beautiful dress! What do you think?

I also really like the shoes that the model is wearing, but I don't see them as very practical.  I do have to keep in mind that I will be spending the majority of the day running after a four year old...

My Strange Little Angel

We left Des Moines yesterday around nap time.  Lilly was really insistant on bringing her 'baby jaguar' mask home with her, and Gamma was generous enough to let her.  On the way home Lilly did fall asleep briefly and she looked so adorable that I couldn't resist taking a quick pic of her!

When we got home we just had some quiet time.  She eagerly got her jammies on by herself (shutting me out of her room and screaming "Don't look in here!"). When she did finally emerge from her room to show off her jammie creation, this is what I saw:

Lilly is showing off her summer dora jammies (they are a pale yellow shorts and short sleeve shirt set) with her gray and pink striped tights on underneath to prevent her from getting cold. Apparently she was still pretty tired because it didn't take that long to get her to sleep, but I made the mistake of getting up after she was asleep to switch laundry around.  For those of you that don't know, Lilly is what you would call a "Major Bed Hog". If you aren't careful, she will take up the entire bed (no matter how big it is) and kick you out of it.  I am working on getting her to sleep in her own bed, but some nights it just isn't worth the fight (and last night was one of those nights).  Anyways, last night she fell asleep over by the wall on 'her side' of the bed and I got up and quickly switched laundry around. This is what I found when I came back to the room:

I'm also a little worried about her being a sleep walker.  There are some nights that she just stands up in the middle of the bed, walks around, and then lays back down. It's kinda wierd and does freak me out a little bit. Do you think this will be the extent of it, or will it get worse as she gets older? Or maybe the reason it hasn't gotten worse is because she is sleeping with me. Maybe if she were in her own bed the sleep walking would increase... who knows. As long as I keep all outside doors locked we should be alright... right?

Now, on to my current school happenings. In my Comp 2 class we are working in groups to create a propaganda visual presentation. My group chose the subject 'Childhood Obesity" and I am in charge of gathering statistics on the subject. Then we have to put all the different parts together in a powerpoint presentation using different types of progaganda techniques (such as glittering generalities, bandwagon, faulty cause and effect, two extreme fallacy...). Basically, we have to give only the facts that we want them to hear (without any backup) and make it sound good. If we support a specific website or organization that is trying to help with the problem, then we have to make them sound good without any real reason for them to.  I have found some interesting facts though. Such as "Social circumstances are heavily influencing the progression of childhood obesity" and "the prevalence of obesity is higher with the low-income children." According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, over the past three decades the childhood obesity rate has more than doubled for preschool children (2-5 years old) and adolescents (12-19 years old), and it has more than tripled for children ages 6-11.  Interesting, huh? Also, unhealthy weight gain due to poor diet and lack of excercise is responsible for over 300,000 deaths each year.  I found all that kinda interesting. 

Oh, and a quick update on my Child Support Fraud proposal.  I got it back Friday with a 99%!  The only thing that was wrong with it was two typos! I accidently hit a 's' instead of a 'd' on the word 'defined' and put an 's' at the of 'work' in 'work cited'. Since there was only one source used (cause that's all that was allowed) it needed to be singular and not plural. We were allowed to fix our mistakes and turn it back in for 5 points, so I should get a 100% on it! I'll keep you posted on the rest of my papers and grades!

A Weekend with Gamma and Grampa Daddy

Lilly and I came down to Des Moines this weekend to take a well needed (and deserved) break from life in Ft. Dodge. Lilly spent Friday night running around, getting into all of her new toys, and just generally going crazy.  Grampa Daddy is always really good at the 'play time' with Lilly (such as tea parties, paper dolls, and dress up) and Lilly takes full advantage of his willingness to make her happy, as you can see by this picture: 

Grampa Daddy also helped Lilly get into this gorgeous outfit:

After a really late night staying up with Gamma, they were both pretty exhausted! Jason and I went out for lunch (I've really missed Cosi's cheesecake! Nothing else is that amazing...) and then went to a movie (that Mall Cop movie is hilarious! And the Century Theatre in Jordan Creek mall has a Starbucks! That's a perfect combination!).  When I got home Lilly was asleep in her new toddler bed and Gamma in her chair, but Lilly woke up and came out to sleep with Gamma.  This is how Gamma and Lilly spent the afternoon.  

Now that is a good way to spend an afternoon at Gamma's house!  Now I have to go study for a midterm I have Monday afternoon... right after a propaganda quiz in Comp class.  Times like this is another reason that I HATE having two classes right in a row.  It will be the same thing at finals time, so no in between time to study and get my brain to do from one topic to another. Oh well... I don't HAVE to get straight A's again, but I sure will try!

Class assignment

My teacher told us to text or email while she reads something to test how well we can multitask as so many students claim to be able to do. Honestly, there is a reason I don't have my phone out in class, I need to be able to completely focus on something or I am unable to absorb it. I have no idea what she is reading but she's done now. Interesting, never had a teacher tell us to not really pay attention in class!

Thanks Uncle Robbie Robbie!

Some of my fondest memories as a child involve Uncle Don.  He was the fun uncle that we all loved because he gave us the BEST presents!  I especially remember how much fun I had with spin art.  As soon as I entered the world of motherhood, I had a suspicion that Uncle Robbie would be just like the Uncle Don I remember.  And, as usual, I was right!  For Christmas, Uncle Robbie and Auntie Amanda gave Lilly Moon Sand (as any mother reading this shudders).  For those of you that don't know, moon sand it a messier form of playdough.  It comes with molds (castles in this case) and it is a wetter form of sand so that it sticks together (and the box claims that it never dries out!).  Lilly played with it for the first time tonight (I know, it's been about two months since she got it, but I was really dreading it!) and I took photographic evidence that I figure everyone will enjoy. 

Above is Lilly's wonderful creation! Her castles with a sleeping king and princess. Below is what happens when Lilly-zilla comes for to visit the castle!

Next are a series of pictures what visually show why this 'toy' is an what we would have called an "Uncle Don" toy:

As you can see, this is an incredibly messy activity!  This last picture is a picture of Lilly before she was stripped and bathed: 

I would like to once again thank Uncle Robbie Robbie for such a wonderful gift!  And to remind you that some day you will be having children on your own... and I'm looking forward to the day that I get to buy special presents for YOUR kids (I apologize in advance Amanda!)

Fight Against Crime

In my Comp 2 class this morning, we had to take a quote from a previous homework assignment and turn it into a power point using emotional appeal. I chose a quote from a Fight Against Crime article and used a picture of Lilly in a high chair with her ducky that I found in the archives of my mom's blog.  The quote I chose is "America's fight against violence must begin in the high chair, not the electric chair." Here is the end result:

What to do with extra time...

Lilly and I both woke up unbelievably early this morning, so I decided to spend a little extra time getting ready for school and straightened my hair. Lilly was sitting in the bathroom watching me and I got a little curious... So I straightened her hair! In doing so, I realized exactly how crazy her hair is! She has no actual part but hair that goes off in every direction and will not lay flat! But, I have to admit, she looks just as adorable with straight hair as she does with every other kind of hair. 

*Shrug*

I'm researching a paper for my marriage and family class. I decided to write it on the struggles and benefits of being a single mother in today's society. As you can see, if I get to choose the topic that I write on, I always pick a topic that has some significance in my life. Like the paper I'm really proud of from last semester is titled "The Real Truth About Drugs" and is all about how the drugs actually work and why a person gets the 'high' that they do. It's all about how they effect the functioning of the neurons in the central nervous system. It's really fascinating! But, since this class is all about the workings of a family, I decided to write about how mine works. I found some really good information in the text book and thought that I would post it on here (since it also goes along with the stuff from the child support paper that I wrote). 

In 2002, 28% of American families were children under 18 living with one parent. Of that, 23% were single mothers (making only 5% single fathers). Single women with children account for over 50% of poor families in the U.S. "The single mother must cope with low pay, child-care problems, and the overburden of working and continuing to shoulder household and child-rearing duties. Child support from the father, as notes elsewhere, is inconsistent at best and often absent altogether, especially for unwed mothers." And aside from the obvious financial difficulties, us single mothers also have to deal with social isolation (due to our over demanding schedules and lack of time for social interaction) and emotional isolation (since there isn't another adult around to interact with there are feelings of loneliness and a sense of powerlessness) which can be increased by the social stigma that is often attached to the status of being a single parent.

Isn't that all interesting (and yet depressing) information? Another source I found said that there were 12.9 million one-parent families in 2006, and 10.4 million were single mothers. A person would think that with the dramatic increase in single mothers over the years, that the social stigma would be getting better,which I have to admit that to some degree it is, but there still isn't enough change happening. There is state assistance available, but the state doesn't make it very easy to access and there are a ton of strings attached. In order to receive FIP in Fort Dodge, they almost demand that the single mother has a full time job and don't care if they are trying to further their education in order to be able to get a higher paying job. They also really don't care if you get to spend any time with your child.  And in order to receive paid child-care, you have to be incredibly careful about the school schedule that you have cause they allow NO extra time for studying... That is, unless, you have a huge break in between a couple of your classes. So, this semester, since I have three classes right in a row on M,W,F, I have just enough time to drop Lilly off and pick her up after my classes. Which means, I get to do all my homework with a 4 year olds help. Let me tell you, it is SO NOT EASY to try to concentrate on homework while a child is trying to do everything possible to have your full attention. My grades are already going down this semester and I'm contemplating whether I should drop my last class or not, in order to have a little study time and not so much homework... but will that affect my financial aid? Because that is what we live off of since I don't really receive anything in child support!

So, as you can see. Even though there is help available for single mothers, there isn't nearly enough that doesn't just make the mothers life more difficult! Well, back to my paper. I'm having plenty of luck finding things on the difficulties of being a single mother... but the benefits aren't something that can be described well enough (and doesn't help much with the physical/material side of things). I could write about the helpful hugs/kisses, the joy of a made-up, out of tune song about how much they love Mommy, and the heartwarming smiles... all of which helps aliviate some of the stress, but it doesn't put gas in the car and help with the cleaning and homework! But those are the moments that keep the single mothers going, and make all the stress worth while.

Happy Horned Lizard Day!

While trying to research the beginnings of Valentine's Day and come up with some point for it's existance besides an overdose of chocolates, flowers, and hearts, I discovered that February 14th is celebrated by some for another reason.  

*February 14th - Horned Lizard Day: For those of us who find Valentine's Day an appallingly saccharine and pointless holiday based entirely on superficial expressions of fraudulent love, Horned Lizard Day provides an opportunity to disorient our friends and loved ones with cheerful comments about interesting reptiles. Are you tired of Valentine's Day's hopelessly tooth-rotting sentimentality? Sick of supporting the flower and candy industries with hollow gestures of false affection? Does the color pink send you into fits of psychotic rage? Then celebrate something worth celebrating - celebrate Horned Lizard Day! I send Horned Lizard Day cards to my friends on this important occasion, both to spread happiness and to let them know what interesting animals horned lizards are. I feel that there is no better way to celebrate the 14th of February than with an animal that squirts blood from a sinus behind its eyes when threatened. See the dramatic struggle.

So I have decided (since I have no reason to celecrate artificial love and I'm a firm believer that love shouldn't be celebrated on just one day a year, but every day of the year) that today I am going to celebrate the horned lizard! And tomorrow (since my mom tells me that is national singles day) I am going to celebrate being single, since it is something that I am very proud of! 

And in case you all are wondering, I still did somewhat celebrate Valentine's Day.  Lilly got a gift bag full of various kinds of candy.  Happy Valentine's Day to all those who care.

*Picture and everything in red was found at http://alum.wpi.edu/~wes/holiday.htm

Just kinda bored and experimenting

I figured that while Lilly was taking a nap I would see if I could figure out how to post some of my pictures. 

 Lilly spent the last week with Gamma and Grampa Daddy, and while she was gone I found some really good clearance at Wal-Mart (I can't believe I'm even admitting to stepping foot in that store!).  I bought her two new dress up outfits, complete with wigs!  She has worn the dresses every single day over her clothes since she got home! But, as you can see, she can pull off anything beautifully!

Before I was a mom

I found this poem posted on a website and I fell in love with it.

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't
stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

A poem I wrote on 4/24/04

I used to wonder if these wounds would ever heal.

The pain and heartache would never leave and always felt so real.

I attempted to forget it, shoving the memories to the back of my head.

Then all of a sudden, coming from everywhere, were bitter reminders bringing back the death.

Those that acknowledged it tell me the guilt and longing will subside.

But most of my family pretend it never happened and nothing is missing from my life.

I watch as others get sympathy while they openly grieve.

As I try to shove everything back, observing in anger and disbelief.

Over a year has passed since that tragic day.

My guilt incessantly building as I struggle to deny.

That through the agony and sorrow a peace is entering in.

Saying “It’s alright.” and permitting another thought to begin.

“It’s better this way.” this voice professes.

“You need not worry yourself with those tiny ties or dresses.”

My heartache is still there, and just as unquestionable.

Every time I hear a cry or see those little toes.

It’s very confusing to mix such monsterous notions.

Yet not knowing the cause of such a malfunction.

 

(Unfinished/untitled poem, written around the time I became pregnant about my miscarriage on 3/30/03)

A poem I wrote a long time ago that's still fitting

You promised me forever

            And so many other things.

So I forgot about who I was

            And every one of my dreams.

I loved you more than I knew I could,

            And I thought you felt the same.

Now I’m alone and scared-

            Filled with hurt and shame.

Shame for all the things I’ve done,

            The loved ones that I hurt.

Shame for what I’ve slowly become,

            For losing my self-worth.

But I’m done now, finished-

            You’ve lost and I’ve won.

Even though it feels like

            This battle has just begun.

I’m like a mighty lioness,

            Powerful and great.

Guarding over her precious cub,

            Before it is too late.

Child Support Fraud Proposal

I started this blog mostly because of a proposal paper that I had to write for my Comp 2 class.  I feel that if the message is received by the right people, it could make a huge difference in the lives of millions of single parents.  I tried to be as objective as possible while writing the paper but it is something that effects me greatly.  For those reading this that might not know me, I am a single mother raising my child on my own.  My daughters sperm donor is a very irresponsible person. To put it plainly, he is a controlling, abusive, tweaking jerk who hasn't been involved in his daughters life.  He is, in fact, doing everything he can to try to make life difficult for us. He is working a fulltime job where he gets paid under the table in order to avoid paying a significant amout of child support.  Unfortunetly, even though I KNOW he is working and others will back me up on this, there isn't any paperwork to prove that he is.  This is enabling him to lie to child support recovery about his income (he had to tell them something after I went in and told them he had a job and had them call while he was working... kinda difficult to deny it when you're the one that answers the phone!).  He claims that he only works one day a week in order to only have to pay the bare minimum of $50 (he's being super generous by paying an extra $10 towards back child support) instead of claiming that he makes around $400 a week, which is what he told me was his weekly income.  He is getting away with cheating us out of over $350 in child support a month. I've told child support recovery this, and my lawyer, and all they can tell me is that unless I can 'prove it' they can't do anything for me! What kind of crap is that? All they have to do is drive through and they will see him there 5-6 days a week.  I was told that I could hire a private investigator, but who has the money for that? My daughter and I live off my student loans and the measly $60 in child support that we receive a month.  Anyways, to stop my ranting and at least feel like I'm doing something, I wrote this proposal paper for my class and I'm posting it online to see what kind of feedback I receive.  I'm also debating whether I should send it to a couple of newspapers or something.  Let me know what you think!

Child Support Fraud Proposal

One of the hardest jobs in the world is on the shoulders of single parents.  They are not only wholly responsible for the raising of children, teaching them the ways of the world and turning them into responsible adults, but they are also completely responsible for providing every necessity for that child, such as clothing, housing, food, school and child care costs and health care.  It is almost impossible to believe, but there are parents in this world who not only choose to not provide for their child, but are willing to cheat the IRS and falsify government records in order to avoid paying a significant amount of child support.  There are agencies like Child Support Recovery that try to help the custodial parent receive the child support that is owed them, but they are limited in the services that they are able to provide.  A good solution to this problem would be to have attorneys and private investigators who work side by side with Child Support Recovery that are available to the parent.  These attorneys and investigators would be willing to work pro-bono unless child support is collected and then they receive a percentage of what is collected.

            The only relief that single parents have available for them from the overwhelming stress of their every day obligations is state assistance and child support.  There is only one reason that a parent would be willing to take on such an immense amount of responsibility, and that is love for the child and a willingness to do everything it takes to be the parent that child deserves.  The only reason that a parent would have to take on this much hardship is if the other parent isn’t willing to accept any responsibility for that child.

            This is a problem that is raging around the country.  According Lydia Scoon-Rogers with the U.S. Census Bureau (Scoon-Rogers), “About a third (32 percent) of custodial parents who did not receive the child support payments awarded them in 1995 were poor.”  Poor is defines as lacking material possessions characterized by poverty.  But the issue does not stop with the fact of the non-custodial parent not paying the amount of child support that they were court ordered to pay.  There are resources available to help parents who are in that kind of predicament, such as food stamps and welfare.  The unrecognized situation is ‘What is to be done about non-custodial parents who are getting paid under the table in order to avoid paying a significant amount of child support?’  Since there is no paper evidence, such as check stubs, to prove that this parent is indeed working, they are getting away with cheating their child out of the financial support that they deserve, leaving the custodial parent with nowhere to turn and nobody willing to help them, unless they can afford to hire a private investigator and attorney who are willing to take on the challenge of proving that the non-custodial parent is indisputably evading child support payment.  There are very few professionals who would be willing to take on such a seemingly hopeless case, especially if there is no reimbursement for their time and efforts.  This leaves the custodial parent in a bind, since they are barely able to take care of their financial responsibilities at home, they are definitely unable to afford the services they would need to take on this type of challenge.

            The problem with this type of situation, is that there is currently no attainable solution.  Therefore, I propose that Child Support Recovery have attorneys and private investigators on hand.  The attorneys and private investigators would volunteer for this position and take on cases that have reasonable suspicions.  The private investigators would be able to prove that the non-custodial parent is or is not working so that it wouldn’t be the custodial parent’s word against the non-custodial parent’s word.  Then the attorney would be able to build a legitimate case to present before the courts so that the custodial parent is able to get the child support that they so desperately need.  The attorneys and private investigators would initially take on the case pro-bono, but if it goes before a judge and the custodial parent is awarded and able to collect the child support that is due them, then a percentage of it (15%) will go to the professionals that took the time to make it possible.

            A solution like this being put into action would dramatically change the lives of the 22.8 million children who have an absent parent.  It would also lower the poverty rate, since the census bureau reports that “custodial parents receiving at least some of the child support they were owed had a poverty rate of 22 percent (Scoon-Rogers).  It would also help to lower the number of single parents who receive state assistance, since they would be able to receive less food stamp and FIP payments.  All it would take is time and effort from the professionals who would be able to make the lifestyle changes possible that single parents dramatically need and deserve.